I wish I had more time...


For me. 

I realise that's a totally selfish thing to choose, and I'll admit I have judged mothers for saying things like this in the past. I guess I was in denial. I like to think I'm SuperMom, that I can do it all, and can do it all alone. My Mama's a very independent woman, always juggling more than she can probably handle, and I pretty much aspire to be her. But recently, today really, I have realised it is okay to admit you can't do it all. To need help sometimes. 

When I called Colin this morning, in tears I was convinced I was the worst mother in the history of the world because I'd lost my temper with the boys, they weren't listening or being particularly helpful and I'd just had enough. I just needed him to tell me it was okay, that I was overreacting, and be rational. I admitted for the first time ever that I was struggling, and he calmed me down and convinced me I needed some time alone. 

I've put the boys to bed, earlier than usual, and realised that I have been with them all day every day this week, no breaks except for sleeping. I always look forward to half terms, to spend all that time with them, but actually it isn't easy. I missed softball this week because my parents are away, and I've realised how heavily I rely on them. As childcare, just an extra pair of hands, an adult to talk to and share my (crazy) thoughts. Otherwise it all builds up and I break down, in floods of tears on the stairs, with my littlest coming to comfort me with a worried look on his face. That's the worst feeling, out of it all. I don't want to let it get to that point again, for them. 

When we're together I want to give them my everything, but that means I have to recharge too. Time for me & that means time away from the boys, away from the house. I do hate that that means time taken from the boys, for the first time I have consistently not been there to put them to bed, to tuck them in. Once a week, that is a sacrifice I am making, to make myself happier. Just that few hours, exercising & socialising as just Bee, not Mama too. 




  1. Thankyou for this post! You are not alone, I feel selfish for wanting time to myself too and I only have one little monster to deal with at the moment. You do such a great job and spend so much time and effort on your lovely boys, you deserve a break to be Bee rather than just Mama xx

  2. It's the little things I think. Once a week I have 'mummy night off'. Hubby comes home from work and is 'mummy' for the next 12 hours or so. I do mundane things, like take a shower, go to the supermarket, watch TV, or have an early night.
    Maybe see if you can get your other half to do this for you? Or even your mum?

  3. It isn't selfish, we all need a little bit of time to ourselves. I know that I am certainly a better mum for having a few hours off at the weekend when hubby takes the kids for a bit. We can't do everything, all the time. We need to refresh and recharge and come back excited for the next activity or outing or craft. Thank you so much for linking to #ThePrompt x

  4. It is very important to have time to yourself, I used to try to do it all but I realised a little time away from the children makes me happier and altogether a better mummy.

  5. You're a wonderful, wonderful mum - everyone loses their temper sometimes, it's just that we don't share it like we do the happy times. And everyone needs a little time to themselves, and the littlies equally need time with others so go and enjoy your Bee time x