11.4.14

Four years ago...

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The night before my big boy's fourth birthday and I'm reminiscing about the day he was born. Four years ago today I had been contracting all day, starting with tummy pains that woke me up in the wee hours of the morn, but that didn't concern me enough for me to realise I might be in labour. 

I kept busy that day, my Mama hadn't let me be alone for about a week by that point (I was 5days overdue, and she even took me to work with her one day!) so I went with her and my Nan to drop her Auntie Kay off at the train station, trying not to alert my Nan of the pains. It had been her 70th Birthday party the night before, and she had told my belly the whole pregnancy that this was her first real party and that he must wait until after to make his appearance. So I waddled round the party, helping out behind the bar because I did NOT want to sit down, before it got to about 10:30 and I did NOT want to stand up either and my Mama took me home. 

Colin must have been working that day, but we went to his parents' for dinner, I vividly remember just wanting to come home because I was so uncomfortable. We called the hospital at around 8pm, the contractions must have been about 5 minutes apart, and they said to take paracetamol and have a bath. I couldn't decide whether to stay up or go to sleep, thinking that this MUST be it, it MUST be happening soon. 

Everything seems so vivid, so clear in my memory that it seems like it was only recently, not four years ago. Time is not my friend tonight, I'm not sure it ever will be again. Everything changed that day. I often say to first time Mama's, yet to meet their beautiful newborn, that I am so excited for them but can't explain why. The way you love a child is indescribable. Magical, terrifying, wonderful, incredible love. Every feeling blown to new proportions. When you stare down at that beautiful baby, that YOU made, it's just the start of the lifelong emotional rollercoaster.

The fact that he isn't a baby anymore, or even a toddler anymore, makes my heart skip a beat. He can hold a proper conversation, dribble a football, do up buttons and read simple words. I guess I can't complain too much because I do love watching him grow, it's so much fun watching him blossom into his own little character, his own little person. I absolutely adore the little boy he is growing up to be, so caring and considerate, so cheeky and funny, so clever and so so wonderful. 

I raise a glass to you, four, let's be friends. I won't resent you for taking away his toddlerhood if you get a handle on those tantrums, and selective hearing. Cheers. 

Bee. 

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