18.3.14

The end of an era. Weaning.


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I look down into your green eyes, mirrored to my own, and watch you blink slowly and heavily. Your hands reach up into my hair, twisting it round your fingers for comfort. You're curled up on my lap, just like you did as a newborn and I feel like those years have just flashed by. You're my baby again for those few moments, not the rambunctious toddler you were just a few seconds ago, jumping on the bed and wrestling with your brother. I listen to your breathing, stroke your cheek and take my own deep breath. All these feelings, all these emotions bubble up inside of me and tears start to well. Such a bittersweet moment, so beautiful. 

Joshua is officially weaned from breastfeeding. I write this with quite a heavy heart, though I know it was the right time. It was one of the last 'babyish' things he does, and I'm being forced to acknowledge that he is now a full blown toddler. For a few months now he has only been feeding at night and early in the morning, and more recently we dropped the morning feed. When we moved him into Daniel's room and into a big boy bed, I wondered how that would work. Previously, we had put Daniel to bed and then nursed, but now we risked waking him when Joshua went to bed. The first night Daniel read books while he waited, and the second (maybe third) Joshua was so excited to go to bed he ran straight through without thinking, and I decided not to push it. At 20 months he's constantly on the move, fiercely independent and falling asleep by himself, so I wasn't exactly surprised. After that, I only fed him when he asked, which was only a couple of times. Sunday, he nursed for the last time, only for a few minutes. I soaked up every last second. Our journey hasn't always been easy, but it has been incredible, and I am so proud of us both. My body hasn't been my own for the last two and a half years, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. 

Bee. 

1 comment:

  1. Awww. Hugs, mama! Bittersweet, I'm sure. Precious photos.

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